Sunday, September 12, 2010


McGarrett: Keep cool, boys. Don't make any sudden movements. Let's see what these douchebags are up to.

Chin Ho: We're all over this shit, Steve.

Dano: Affirmative.

"HOLD IT! Stay right there, and get over yourself asshole, there is only ONE McGarrett, and it's ME!"

McGarrett: Che Fong, we have DNA samples of the new cast members and we want to confirm the data in case they try to pass this Korean guy off as a Hawaiian.

Ben: But Steve, we don't yet know if he's supposed to be Hawaiian.

McGarrett: Doesn't matter, the fact is, there is not ONE true Hawaiian on the new Five-O team. And that goes against everything Leonard Freeman and I tried to do with this show!

Che Fong: I'm on it, Steve. I'll run 'em through our genealogical database.

"Don't worry, honey. You're safe. It's preconfirmed that these idiots will not fill our shoes."

"OK, new guy, just TRY to be as cool as I will always be."

(this is the first installment of our special series of reactions to the new Hawaii Five-O.)


Virginia's Page said...

You tell 'em, McGarrett! Give it to 'em straight from The Man's mouth! Can't wait to catch part 2 of this drama. What channel does it come on?


Otto Mannix said...

YES, VIRGINIA, there is no Steve McGarrett, without Jack Lord. We at Otto Mannix Report love you, because you understand our pain!!!

This 2.0 business is not gonna wash. It doesn't matter if it's a great show, IT'S NOT FIVE-O!!!!


Ivan said...

Your pugnacious loyalty to Jack Lord is to be admired!

Motherfuckers tried and failed to revamp Dragnet on TV, screwed up the SWAT movie--best not go near ADAM-12, or else a rumble will start that only the STRIKE FORCE (a fave lost cop show) will cool...

boris said...

Thank you, OMR, for reactivating the boys to take on what we sots cannot - TV's power in a commercial world. I really think it should be illegal to remake this show. Like cutting down an endagered fruit tree on Helo!

But I'm going to make you a little guarantee, Otto - it is not going to "be a great show." I plan to watch maybe "V for Vashon" on Monday. Damn, I'd like to send Tosaki (Kwan Hi Lim) to the premier to take a bunch of these corporate actors out! Fuck you - New Five-O! You bitches aint as tough as the streets of Ho-Town.

Great shots, in your installment, Otto. The librarian kiss from season 1 was classic. By the way there was only one season 1 and it was in 1968 when I was running around a $20,000.00 three room house with a mixed terrier yipping at my ankles and a load of shit in my diapers.

Toestubber said...

There can be no Five-O without a bunch of dumpy-looking middle-aged Asian guys! What happened to Kono? According to the obnoxious billboards, in the new show everybody has washboard abs. It looks like Baywatch in Oahu.

Argentum Cartridge said...

Why should they make up new stuff when they can recycle cool old stuff at 1/4 the cost & still enjoy a handsome profit margin? The average member of the broadcast TV audience will not violently object, will they Otto? Otto, put down that meat cleav

Virginia's Page said...

Hi! May I borrow picture #2 and its caption to put on my website, I'll be happy to give you credit.

Otto Mannix said...

HEY VIRGINIA> I LOVE YOU, and you can use whatever you want. Just shout back to Otto when you post up, so i can see it!!!


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