Sunday, June 14, 2009

Catastrophic System Failure

The Otto Mannix Two-Year Anniversary went over without a hitch... at first. Then the deluge of responses and congratulations flooded in and crashed our state-of-the-art computer systems. The efficient and attractive Operations Monitor, Daphne, immediately followed protocol and ran the data up through the chain of command.
A review of surveillance tapes revealed no foulplay. The mainframe was shut down, with auxiliary processors running diagnostics. A suspected VIRUS was then discovered in the CPU. Otto Mannix himself and VP Helmut Schplatt discussed possible strategies and avenues of escape. Diagnostics indicated not a virus but a PARASITE, uncommon in these systems. A private contractor, Inspector Columbine, was brought in on a Sunday to poke around and ask the tough questions. No stranger to parasites, having once contracted the Malaria, Columbine seemed to be getting to the bottom of something. The results of his inquiry will be posted upon completion. For now, our Tech Team has brought in the RCA Spectra Data Collecting System as an interim means of operation. Thank you for your patience in this matter.

4 comments:

Ivan said...

Ohhhh SNAP! Was that YOUR computer system? Oops! Sorry about that....
Ivanlandia's big Colossus/Guardian mainframe's threat assessment processor gets a little zealous sometimes, jealous even, and sometimes sends out the ninja vinyl chix squad to FUBAR the opposition...

clefbor said...

I used detective Columbine once (last year, divorce, don't ask). Does excellent work. But not cheap!

Lady Crysis said...

fuck, where i have i been? this post had me laughing like a hyena.

KinoRama said...

Dang, we just shut down the Dundalk warehouse. That is where we were keeping all the old Mannix back up tapes.